I ran to the mall during my lunch break today and hit up H&M. I was standing in the line for the dressing room, dressed in my professional garb, surrounded by what looked to be 16 and 17 year old girls. I assumed they were out shopping since school’s out for summer vacation. As I was walking to my fitting room, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I saw a real life GROWN UP. It was a very awkward moment for me. Most days I still feel like I am 20 or 21, give or take 15-20 pounds, but seeing those girls and seeing myself, I really was mature looking… Like a real woman. Weird. And the girls… They all looked like babies. Not even teenagers. Then I wondered if I was out of my league in H&M… Should I be seeking the same cute outfits as high schoolers? Should there be a Forever 31 so we “women” don’t try to wear Forever 21? Not that I’d try to squeeze into some of the tiny skirts they have and look like I am wearing sausage casing, but they do have some cute stuff.
It’s funny how time skews your perspective of things. I remember in kindergarten thinking the 8th graders we had to sit with during mass looked like grown men. I remember being a freshman at Incarnate and thinking the seniors looked like grown women. My brother and his friends were four years my senior so they always looked and seemed so much older… Then you are a few months from hitting 30 and you look around and realize how you are the grown up. My eight year old sister probably looks at me like I am so mature and cool and I suppose I should enjoy that while it lasts, right? Because I will tell you a secret… I am not that mature and I am pretty much the antithesis of cool. I own it, though.
This got me looking at old pictures back when I was 16 and you couldn’t pay me to be that age again. It was fun, sweet, angsty, fashion-challenged… You name it… But I will tell you, like a fine wine, I prefer myself (and my extra lbs) in 2013. I am not sure when I became a grown up, but I will definitely take it.